Sexual assault is a damaging crime, and survivors may experience long-term side effects. Family and friends may not know what to say to support someone who has suffered sexual abuse. You may need to be extra patient and understanding with victims. In addition, survivors of rape and sexual trauma may experience mental health issues and need help learning how to cope.
Below are some tips on how to talk to a survivor of sexual abuse and some ideas on how to handle things.
How to Speak to a Rape or Sexual Assault Victim
Regardless of whether you are working in the mental health field or you are a friend or family member of a sexual assault survivor, you need to know the best way to communicate with them.
Remember to stay calm and speak in a soft, comforting voice. Even if you feel angry or distressed, try not to express it in front of the victim. You may cause the victim more distress. Instead, positively reinforce the fact that they had the courage to confide in you.
Stress the fact that you believe them and want to do all you can to support their wellbeing. Let the survivor make their own decision about how to handle it. Sexual abuse takes away power. Be sure to give them back a sense of control by letting them decide on their own coping strategies and what steps they want to take or not take. Assure them of your confidentiality. Let the victim decide who to tell and who not to.
Be present and hold space for them to express their emotions. If they need to be angry and yell or cry, be that shoulder for them. Just listen and be patient. They are not mad at you, but survivors need to get these emotions out to process them and start to heal. Recovering from rape or sexual trauma can take time.
Reassure the victim that they are not alone, and you are there for support and anything else they need. Let them know that no matter what happens, you will be there. Tell them they did nothing to deserve this; they are not at fault. Many sexual abuse victims believe they caused the abuse. Tell them you are sorry and that it shouldn’t have happened to them. These kind, caring words go a long way in the healing process.
Do not threaten the suspect in front of the victim. It may cause them to worry about you or fear retaliation from their attacker.
Avoid being judgmental about how long the victim takes to process and heal. These things can take time, and everyone proceeds at a different pace. Instead, help them to practice healthy self-care and soothing techniques.
Encourage the victim to get help through counseling or other therapies. Provide them with the RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) hotline, so they will have a number to call for help when they are ready.
